Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
