with your own penis?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
