im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
