Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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