____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Randomize
