I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
