The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
