what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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