So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
