i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
