You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
