he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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