I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
