I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
