you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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