time to smoke my breakfast
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
