I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Randomize
