I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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