What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
