remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
