I just pynch a tree in the face
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
