I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize