Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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