I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
