Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i've created a new STD.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
