walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
