4 words: hood of his car
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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