So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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