Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
