I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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