I faked an abortion last night.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You're like the curious george of whores
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
