I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
His hands were made for my vagina.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize