Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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