can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
