Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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