I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
