Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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