and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize