weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
smell my finger.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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