Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Randomize