I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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