I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
