May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
