you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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