After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
