I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
