You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Watching her eat just hurts me
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
