I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize