I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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