I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize