My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
