Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
