I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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