why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWWâ€
Randomize
