She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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