He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize