I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize