she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
