So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
