I can text with my tongue
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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