are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
