Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
no, he came in my armpit
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just googled if crying burns calories
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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