I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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