where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
