In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
