Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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