I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
