I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
