Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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