I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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