I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I queefed so loud it echoed.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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