I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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