Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
