all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
