End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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