he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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